Subterfuge
by PunkPlushie
Summary: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" *Dib and Zim romance*
1. Prologue

**Subterfuge**

A/N: ZaDr - If you do not want then gee tee f oh.

* * *

Idly somewhere within Zim's undercover base Gir entertained himself with a tube of ruby red lipstick and a plush moose. Carefully Gir applied the moose's lipstick for its big night – a date with a taco currently cooking in the oven. If only Gir knew how to turn on the oven.

Suddenly a figure arose from the toilet, his face stern and serious. Zim was in his clever human disguise.

"Gir!" he said point at the green dog who without hesitation dropped his play things and stood at attention.

"Yes master!"

Zim with a ting of doubt that Gir would follow his commands or even listen went on speaking.

"I have an ingenious plan to destroy our worst enemy out of all of these filthy humans!" Zim said with attention on the words 'ingenious' and 'humans'.

Gir slouched down slightly, nodded a few too many times and let his tongue stick out.

"YES! This plan is so ingenious that if I told you Gir you should self-destruct!"

"Yay!" Gir screamed while waving his arms in the air.

A thought crossed Zim's mind that perhaps if Gir did self-destruct it could have positive effects.

"It is a human saying to 'keep friends close and enemies closer'." Zim quoted the famous saying by Mobutu, ruler of Zaire.

"I shall become… 'Close' with the Dib." Zim's eyes narrowed at the mere thought of such repugnance but at this point, he was willing to try anything.


	2. Blush

It was the very day after Zim had concocted his most brilliant plan yet and he was already stetting the pieces for phase one.

It was early Monday morning, a light fog cover the piece of earth Zim was currently exposed to as he walked to skool. He was hoping he would see Dib on the way there, this mere thought repulsed Zim but he knew this would be the easiest way to destroy Dib.

Perhaps the most fun, too.

It's true that Zim knew little about human affection, such things as "friendship" and "love" did not exist on Irk. These things would only get in the way, that's why humans were so undeveloped. However, Zim knew what he had to do and he knew that he had to intergrade himself with these pathetic humans.

Once Zim arrived at the skool he knew he had to swallow all the pride he had. This was possibly the hardest task he ever had to complete; he knew it was all for the ultimate prize.

Letting out a deep sigh Zim began his march towards the harsh metal doors the allowed access to the skool.

He always marched with his nose in the air. This was more of a defense mechanism then anything. Sure, the taunts hurt him, even if they were only said by sad, weak little humans who had nothing better to do then call him names, nevertheless, they were truth to everything they said.

The walk to the classroom was nearly enjoyable. He knew that behind his classroom doors was Dib, what seemed like the ultimate precipice now was only the beginning of something so much more later.

Mourning the loss of the pride he just gave away, he opened the door to the classroom and immediately saw him.

"DIB!" He screamed after taking only one step into the classroom. Dib only looked shocked, mainly due to the volume of his voice at that moment, although he should have been used to Zim's screaming by now.

"Dib!" He repeated, stepping closer to Dib's desk. "You and I are going to go out together!" Zim said, very loudly in front of the whole class. Of course, Zim knew not of the real meaning behind the phrase he said. Surely it simply means two people being together in a place outside, right? Zim's innocent thoughts and he had no idea what he had implied. But it caused the class to laugh and Dib to go bright red. Zim was confused.


	3. Lover, wait!

"Zim and Dib sooo cute together!"

"Zim and Dib cutest little couple!"

"Are you gonna kiss and make out?"

All the children continuously teased the two as Miss Bitters sat in front of the class and told them about how love is a lie and relations all always end in suffering.

Dib was more embarrassed then he ever had been in his entire life and tried his hardest to disappear and sink into his seat. No matter how hard he tried it simply didn't work.

Zim was still confused as to why Dib gave him dirty looks rather then spending time with him as people who are "close" do. What did he do wrong?

He was still foolishly unaware of what these children were trying saying to him and he wasn't sure if his plan was working.

"Hey, Zim!" shrieked a female classmate of Zim's who's name eluded him. Zim looked up at her, wondering why she thought herself worthy of speaking to him. "Ziiiiim-" She repeated with her squeaky high-pitched voice, "So, like, when did you realize you were like… You know… Gay?" She said almost in a whisper, especially on the dreaded word "gay". Zim raised an eyebrow and had a slight look of anger, "Foolish human! I am not this gay you speak of! I am ZIM and soon you will bow before me and never again mistake me for this Mr. Gay!"

Across the classroom a plainly unattractive and recently broken-hearted student known as Gretchen asked Dib the very same question. Dib's look of humiliation was replaced with one of anger. "Gretchen, I swear on my future as a Paranormal Investigator that I am not Gay!" Dib said furiously while slamming his fist on his desk. Gretchen looked unconvinced and still felt as though now there was no hope of Dib accepting her feeling towards him.

"Even if I was gay," Dib continued, "I would never date an alien!" He said, nearly in a scream, still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Especially Zim, who looked over, he wasn't worried of anyone believing that he really was an alien. No one listened to Dib.

But he wondered, even now, since he was being nice to Dib, why he still hated him.

Absolutely enraged, Dib insisted Ms. Bitters allow him to go for a "bathroom break", after exchanging acidic glares, Ms. Bitters allowed him to go, and he stormed out of the room.

"Hey, Zim! Why don't you chase after your lover!" A classmate laughed out.

Taking the advice and silently thanking this student who surely was convinced he and Dib were "close" now, Zim ran out of the classroom after Dib

"Wait, lover!" Zim screamed after Dib causing the class to burst out into laughing and causing Dib to walk faster.

Ms. Bitters saw Zim leave with even asking but decided to not interfere and instead to tell the children of how people like Zim deserve the fate of damnation.

"Lover, wait!" Zim yelled out again running faster after Dib.

Dib deiced instead of running away, because apparently, that wasn't going to work, he should confront Zim.

Sharply and quickly turning around to face Zim behind him. "WHAT!" he angrily yelled out at Zim.

This surprised Zim, but didn't frighten him; humans never frightened Zim.

The two stopped, one face ridden with angry – the other with confusion. In the middle of the hall they stood.

"What is wrong with you, Zim?" Dib asked, ire in his eyes. "Why are you humiliating me? Is this your new plan for world domination?"

Although it completely was, Zim was far too intelligent to let that slip.

"No, Dib." He said holding back the urge to call him "filth", "pathetic" or "stink" "I want to be close to you." He said, blankly and expressionless.

"You… What?"


End file.
